Max Power

Shocker! I was in one of my favourite establishments for the purveyance of my beloved amber fluid the other night. It was here that I had a rather interesting yet somewhat puzzling conversation with a friend of mine.

You see he, like me he finds it somewhat problematic containing his mood within any sort of completely functional range. It was in between the gulps of fermented beverage and the usual shit talking he shared with me a fun fact. A fun fact which at first, I could not quite comprehend.

The title of this blog refers to where I like my brain to be, right of the center. A little bit on the high side and going fast enough so that if you ever get me to be quiet, you might just hear the whizzing sound it's fans make. My friend, lets call him 'Max Power' as my hair is super dry at the moment feels completely the opposite. To Max, being a little left of center, that slight blue twang is what sees him at his most functional.

At first I was baffled by this statement. To me it seemed a conflict of interest that Max could derive enjoyment from being slightly depressed. As the conversation evolved, I gained understanding and it gained the thought-provoke attack.With bipolar, while it is never black and white we really do get the best of everything. There are both positive and negative elements to all the mood states; high, low and mixed.

The highs give us a taste of invulnerability, confidence, creativity and the incredibly fun ability to embrace ones inner 5 year old. I would continue but I do not want to make you mentally sound types jealous. In short, imagine the best you've ever felt be it drug induced or else ways and imagine doing it for months on end, without the drug or whatever else it is that floats your boat. For me, the highs come with an incredible productivity. I sleep less, do more, think harder, better, faster and stronger.

To the lows, as Max put it, they give us poise. You get the chance to sit back and reflect with an incredible thoughtfulness that comes with thinking more inwardly. While the productivity takes a knife to the eyeball, chances are what you write and or do is more profound. You feel things and take in things that the high you usually has fly right past him.The brain fans slow their pace, more of a calming breeze than a gusty head wind (terrible pun, deal with it!).

I've been contemplating why I like to be on the right side of the spectrum. I discovered that there are negatives to both sides of the tiny little fence in the middle I never quite manage to sit on.

Depression is not all that fun for me. It is something I try and avoid just like that strange red headed  midget I went to school with.... and of course chihuahuas. Being on the right means that if you stumble a little, you still maintain a tight grasp on life. I find it much harder to claw my way back to the world of the living when I am depressed than employing a sleep parachute to drop back down into reality.

On the other hand at the unrelenting ends of the bipolar rainbow, I would rather be severely depressed than ludicrously manic. With depression, I am still in control of my actions. I don't believe taking my own life is an option for me. I have been to the edge of the cliff and decided it is just a bit too far to jump. Plus, I am a big wuss.

With a mania, I am completely out of control. I could spend thousands of dollars on rubber chickens, think that they can make me fly and proceed to jump off the Empire State Building. Perhaps my delusions involve me becoming a martyr. I decide I need to save the sharks from the dolphins, go swimming in the ocean cleverly disguised as a whale to kill those pesky buggers in cold blood and then provoke some Japanese whalers into shooting me with a harpoon gun.

I would love to  wrap this post up with a suitably profound conclusion containing shiny and elaborate word play. If however you have made it to the end of this rather intense bit of word filled bile, I apologise that this monologue does not have a neater ending. Obviously my thoughts on Max Power's fun fact require more time down the pub to develop. I will wait till I have my next low and perhaps let you know how it pans out.

I sincerely hope you all got the reference. In case you didn't or you just love yellow people with eight fingers, another gem from the you of tubes. Just strap yourself in and feel the G's!

Stay right of the center or, if you prefer, to the left. I personally, kind of sort of maybe think that possibly I know where I want to be.

Stay Awesome.